His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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