Pappa wants mamma naked
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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