whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
