there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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