My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize