please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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