Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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