so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
