I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think i got beer on your cat.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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