if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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