genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
