I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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