Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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