My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
