god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
