i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
