I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
