Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
