i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
