i don't like sucking hair
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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