My nipple is on Facebook.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
