kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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