i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
