There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
