2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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