the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
