I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
