I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize