We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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