Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
