the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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