yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
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Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
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Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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