the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
