you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
