yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
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So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize