You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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