After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
