She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
