5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
