i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize