And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
