everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Terrible idea I love it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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