Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
