her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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