Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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