her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
false alarm, still single
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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