dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
