hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
