My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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