We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
