Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
