So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
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She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
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I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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