It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Girls should come with a carfax report
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
