I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
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Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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