i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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