I want to walk on stilts...naked
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
