i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
