He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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