we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
