The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
