I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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