i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
