someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
