i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She bit a glass in half.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
