I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
