sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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