When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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