so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
