I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
