so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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