just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
