My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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